Weasel Freak
New Member
Revenge, is so very very sweet...
Posts: 10
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Post by Weasel Freak on Aug 14, 2008 14:43:11 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,300][shadow=violet,left,300]Monster[/shadow][/glow]
[glow=red,2,300]and[/glow]
[glow=lime green,2,300][shadow=green,left,300]Mutant[/glow][/shadow] [glow=blue,2,300]A Randall Boggs/Maximum Ride Tale[/glow] Randall'sINTRODUCTIONRandall Boggs opened his eyes and groaned. How could’ve those stupid people mistake him for an alligator? He looked nothing like one! Randall sat up and remembered what had happened to him. That big fat blue fur rug tossed him into a trailer, and some stupid woman beat the heck out of him. He ducked one of her many blows and slithered out the window. Randall then blended in with the background and ran as fast as he could. He ended up in some field and collapsed on the ground, worn out from exhaustion. Randall rubbed his head and slowly got up, looking around. What in this world am I going to do now?? he thought. He spotted a grassy ledge that had a perfect view of the full moon. He walked up to it and was about to lay back down when he noticed a large body of water, with a city on the shore! He probably could try to get back to Monstropolis through one of these building’s closets. Randall raised his hand up to wipe his forehead, and realized that he was still blended. He unblended, sighed and started downhill. |
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Post by Gold Demona on Aug 14, 2008 14:48:31 GMT -5
Not bad. =)
Can't wait to see more. ^_^
Be sure to check out one of mine sometime. =D
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Weasel Freak
New Member
Revenge, is so very very sweet...
Posts: 10
|
Post by Weasel Freak on Aug 14, 2008 14:58:34 GMT -5
Jynx‘s
INTRODUCTION
J[/b]ynx Blackstreak shifted her position as much as she could in her small dog crate and peered through the cage wiring. The Whitecoats had taken out a mutant, who seemed to be half of a male human, half of some sort of fungus. Now the same Whitecoats came back in. Jynx watched them walk in front of her cage.
“Ugh. A complete failure,” one Whitecoat said. Jynx assumed they were talking about the other mutant. He died.
“Indeed. No matter. It’ll just be burned like the rest of them.”
Jynx scowled. She hated how the Whitecoats called them “It's”. She wasn't an it!
“I want Number 379,” the first one said, tapping her clipboard. Jynx raised her head a little. That was her number!
There was a shuffling in the cage next to her, and a young chesnut-haired boy appeared, looking up at her with his big, brown eyes through his cage's wiring. Jynx looked at the first Whitecoat and concentrated.
If they harm this specimen, I’ll kill them, she heard the Whitecoat think.
She gave the boy a thumbs-up sign. He nodded in return. She wasn’t going to be the subject of a dangerous experiment. She was just going to run laps or donate a blood sample. A third Whitecoat turned the latch on her crate and opened the door. Jynx reluctantly crawled out and was grabbed by gloved hands. Freezing hands, I might add. The Whitecoat lifted her onto her feet without much trouble. Even though she was 4’9, she didn’t weigh much less than 65 pounds. He dragged her into a hallway, walked down it a little, and turned into a second hallway. They walked a little more before they came to a door of which Jynx immediately recognized. The door was to the maze room, where she’d be forced to run maze after maze after maze, and if she slowed down her running or ran into a dead end, they’d heat up wires under her feet and burn her until she sped up or got back on track again. The Whitecoat opened the door and pushed her inside.
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Weasel Freak
New Member
Revenge, is so very very sweet...
Posts: 10
|
Post by Weasel Freak on Aug 14, 2008 14:59:37 GMT -5
Not bad. =)
Can't wait to see more. ^_^
Be sure to check out one of mine sometime. =D I have. I'm reading your Pokemon fanfic.  |
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Post by Gold Demona on Aug 14, 2008 17:14:37 GMT -5
Jynx reluctantly crawled out and was grabbed by gloved hands. Freezing hands, I might add.
When you're writing in third person POV, it's important to avoid using the pronoun "I" to describe the narrator. Unless the narrator is an actual character that might appear later.[/size] |
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Post by Gold Demona on Aug 14, 2008 17:18:24 GMT -5
Not bad. =)
Can't wait to see more. ^_^
Be sure to check out one of mine sometime. =D I have. I'm reading your Pokemon fanfic. [/size] |
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Weasel Freak
New Member
Revenge, is so very very sweet...
Posts: 10
|
Post by Weasel Freak on Aug 21, 2008 23:43:18 GMT -5
R[/size]andall had never seen anything so… big. This city was even bigger than Monstropolis. And it, the people, everything, was always moving, was always busy. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to go somewhere or get something done.
And there were stores on every block, selling everything: Shops for shoes, windows and doors, videos, antiques, and a hotdog stand were some of the few things crammed onto the streets of New York.
A distinct smell got Randall’s attention. He sniffed the air and looked in the direction the stench was coming from. A Sushi stand was on the other side of the street. Randall’s stomach growled, and he thought about unblending and ordering something to go, but only for a second.
That would be the stupidest thing I’d ever do in my entire life, he thought. 'Then again, trusting Waternoose had been an even worse mistake..' Randall felt rage running through him like a stampede of wild bulls as he remembered what happened after he’d last seen Waternoose. He furiously shook the feeling off and kept on walking.
Randall’s stomach growled again, even louder this time. A few people nearly stopped to listen to where the sound was coming from. Randall clenched his teeth. He knew he had to get something to eat and turned around to go to the Sushi stand and steal something, but then he saw the owner hang a closed sign on the cart. Randall frowned and looked around. Something caught his eye: Yu Chang’s Chinese Soup Restaurant. He could get food from there, though going into a crowded space while trying to remain unseen would be difficult. As he walked across the street, dodging both humans and cars, he spotted an alleyway right next to Yu Chang’s. When he reached the sidewalk, he dove into the alley, narrowly missing a fancy-looking lady and her dog. Just he’d suspected: A door on the side of Yu Chang’s building. Probably leading straight to the kitchen. He was about to push the door open when two very handsome, muscular men quickly walked out of the entrance. Randall was about to go inside, but then saw the men stop in the middle of the alley, behind a dumpster, as though they didn’t want anyone to see them. Overcome with both curiosity and suspicion, Randall ducked the closing door and silently slinked over to them.
“… The Boss isn’t going to be pleased,” one man said with the voice of an angel. The other guy nodded.
“If the Director finds out, we’re both toast.”
Director? Randall thought. Were they in some kind of a play or movie? The first guy shifted his position and Randall noticed a package under his arm. He opened his mouth to say something but then paused and pressed two fingers against his ear. Randall leaned to his left and saw that the guy had an earpiece in his ear. The guy nodded, muttered “Alright," nd moved his fingers away from his ear.
“The Boss wants the shock collars right now. Says the child freaks are beginning to create problems. Let’s go.” The two guys raced out onto the street, almost knocking over an old lady.
Child freaks? Children?? Randall looked at the kitchen door and then at where the dudes went. Wait a minute... Children... Kids = Closets, and Closets = Monstropolis! Yes!! he thought as his eyes widened. He ran after them.
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